The Game of an Abuser:

Abuse rarely begins with violence. It begins with attention.

It begins with kindness that feels special. Words that feel healing. Presence that feels safe. The abuser does not enter as a destroyer. They enter as someone who understands you deeply. Someone who sees you. Someone who makes you feel chosen.

This is the first move in the game.

The Illusion of Safety

In the beginning, everything feels genuine. The connection feels intense. The abuser listens, supports, and creates emotional closeness quickly. This stage builds trust. It lowers your defenses.

But this safety is not real. It is constructed.

Because once trust is established, the game slowly changes.

The Shift: Confusion Begins

The same person who once gave you reassurance now begins to withdraw it. They become distant. Cold. Critical.

You begin to question yourself.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Why are they different now?”

“How can I fix this?”

This confusion is not accidental. Confusion creates dependency. It keeps you trying harder.

The abuser does not need to control you physically. They control your mind.

The Cycle of Hurt and Reward

One of the most powerful tools of an abuser is inconsistency.

They hurt you. Then they comfort you.

They reject you. Then they return with love.

They break you. Then they become the one who heals you.

This cycle creates emotional addiction.

You do not stay for the pain. You stay for the moments of relief.

And slowly, you begin to accept less than you deserve.

The Erosion of Self

Over time, something deeper is damaged — your relationship with yourself.

You begin to doubt your feelings.

You begin to silence your voice.

You begin to believe their version of you.

The abuser’s greatest victory is not your pain. It is your self-doubt.

Because once you doubt yourself, you stop trusting your own reality.

Why It Is Called a Game

It is called a game because there is strategy involved.

Not always consciously. Not always planned. But the pattern exists.

The goal is control.

Control over your emotions

Control over your choices.

Control over your identity.

And the longer the game continues, the harder it becomes to see it clearly.

The Moment of Awakening

Healing begins when you recognize the pattern.

When you stop blaming yourself.

When you stop waiting for them to become who they were in the beginning.

When you see that the beginning was part of the game too.

This realization can be painful. But it is also freeing.

Because the moment you see the game, you are no longer inside it.

"Returning to Yourself"

Abuse disconnects you from yourself. Healing reconnects you.

You begin to trust your feelings again.

You begin to hear your own voice again.

You begin to remember your worth.

And in that moment, the game ends.

Not because the abuser changed.

But because you did.

You stopped playing.

Take care,

Team H&H stb